A friend of mine is having increasing difficulty getting her loved one to take a shower (I think he is in the mid stages of dementia). Without getting into a deep (and useless) psychological investigation of his early years, I have been asking friends of mine who are living with dementia for ideas on how to enable people with dementia to take their own showers, assisted as needed by a caregivers.

Here are some of our best ideas. Remember these all came from people who are living with the symptoms of dementia:

Arrange for him take a shower while seated on a familiar and chair?  So what if over time the chair gets ruined? Does it really matter?

Encourage him to wear his underwear? If you are helping him you wear yours too.

Ask if he wants to wear his shoes?

Start off with a quick rinse, and work up to a full shower.

Take a cane or walker into the shower, even if he really doesn’t use it all the time?

Put up railings in the shower if it will make you feel safer taking a shower with him.

Ask him to wash you! Tell him you need help showering, too!

Sing in the shower, either to him or with him?

Play favorite songs or music before you get into the shower.

Initiate some form(s) of intimate contact in the shower (that was the most polite way I could come up with for an idea many, many people suggested and probably hoped for in their own showers).

Make up a game about how fast he can shower and time him?

Prepare and eat a snack he likes or drinking something he enjoys while in the shower?

Watching TV or listening to a favorite piece of music while in the shower?

Video tape the two of you taking a shower and show it to him?

I am not the shower expert, these are just some ideas to distract him from whatever it is he fears. My general impression is carers are too focused on us showering-sometimes every day! If it is a medical necessity - we need to wash off fluids and substances we have involuntarily passed - and you cannot do it with a sponge bath in bed, then I guess immediate showers are a necessity. Otherwise - let’s all try to make them more fun and less functional.

~Richard